Some formulas for employee’s success

Some formulas for employee’s success-
१. बने रहो पगला, काम करेगा अगला
२. बने रहो लुल्ल, तनखा पो फुल
३. मत लो टेंशन काम का, नही तो फॅमिली पायेगी पेंशन
४. कम से दरो नही और काम को करो नही
५. काम करो या न करो काम की फिकर ज़रूर करो, और फिकर करो ना करो, पर जीकर ज़रूर करो

Fail

Idiot to son- तेरे रिजल्ट डा की बनया

Son- मैडम कहंदे इस class-विच १ साल होर लग्न है

Idiot– फेर ठीक है.साल भावे २-३ होर लग जान, fail नही होना.

20

A mother takes 20 years to make her son intelligent.
A girl takes 20 minutes to make him foolish.

Love letter

Girl- write such a letter my love that I read it to the end of my life

Boy- @oi9eeskv)(&*%$$%JHJs9828728&^##@@!)_I@U*jjfu09813I()@(@@DJ(!*’:/k..ll,/9*(*#!&Yfhuh920909JDII(@382390(@_~+)_)@)@(“>>::>;…>>>;’;lpo30(*76353!_+@_)(>::>;…>>>;’;lpo30(*76353!_+@_)(_=1093839*@)!(@&#!)_\~~0139923090924JIJ!#82)@-023">_=1093839*@)!(@&#!)_\~~0139923090924JIJ!#82)@-023-=

Read that.

Scare

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Nothing.I just wanted to scare You .

Speaking

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature
Speaking more you will loose your tranquility
Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning
Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones
Speaking lies you will loose your name

Speaking

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature
Speaking more you will loose your tranquility
Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning
Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones
Speaking lies you will loose your name

So don’t you get it?
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, STOP SPEAKING

Blessings

Enter the password to touch my heart

* ** *** **** ***** ******

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SORRY YOU HAVE ENTERED THE PASSWORD TO TOUCH MY फीट. MY BLESSINGS WITH यू.

Courtship

लड़की पटाने का सबसे अच्हा तरीका.
चुपके से उसके पीछे जाओ और उसे डराओ.
अगर वो हंसी तो फँसी.
नहीं तो जोर से चिलाओ-दीदी दर गई , दीदी दर गई.

करो और मुझे बताओ.

Marry Me

(Your Name) here.I am getting married.I really am.It was decided suddenly.You are invited.Sunday 19.00 hours.No gifts.Just….Get someone to marry me.

Friend

In this cruel cruel era, its impossible to find a friend with
beautiful smile,
pure soul,
attractive mind,
great humor,
stylish looks……………

So don’t loose me.

Women’s Lies

Women’s lies-
1. It wont happen again
2. I am single
3. He was just a friend
4. I am so sorry
5. I love you
6. I don’t want to loose you
7. I am telling the truth

Eyes

Two eyes were the best friends.
They did everything together.
Cried together.
Blinked together.
Woke up together.

Then there came a girl and they disunited
- only one winked.

Soldiers

2 Indian soldiers capture Pakistani soldier.

They gave him a dice and said that if you throw 1 2 3 4 5 , we will kill you.

The doomed man asks – what if I throw 6?

They say- Haven’t u ever played dice. You get another turn

ICICI

1 day idiot had a dream that someone had killed him.
Next day he closed his icici bank account due to the icici bank motto

WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE

False Poem

An unbelievably false poem—

One fine morning, in the middle of the night

Two dead boys woke up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Took out their swords and shot each other

One deaf policeman heard the noise

And killed the two dead boys

Believe this lie, its true

Ask the blind beggar who saw it too

Finance Poem

Boy at a hostel, after his money was over, in a telegram to his father-No money no fun your son

Father’s reply-So sad, too bad, your dad.

Moral of the Movie

What’s the moral of the movies- “titanic” and “rang de basanti”?

ThinkThink logically.

Don’t let girls affect your mind, logic and decisions. They are the ones left out in the end. All others die.

Marriage Vows

Why do couples hold hands before their wedding?

It’s a formality like two boxers shaking hands before a fight.

Sleeping disease-

Sleeping disease-
Etiology agent-teacher
Host-student
Reason-frequent classroom exposure
Symptoms- shortening of handwriting, loss of consciousness, frequent falling on table, automatic closure of eyes
Signs-kicks and shakes by neighbors, chalks hitting head, sudden silence
Pathogenic lesion-red eyes
Diagnosed by- neighbor or teacher
Treatment-not yet invented.
Symptomatic relief by slipping out of side door
Prevention-bunk class and enjoy life.

Marriage Experience

Young husband : before marriage I spoke and she listened. Now she speaks and I listen.

Older husband : don’t worry. Very soon you will both speak and the neighbors will listen.

New Surgeon

Patient: Why the garland?

Surgeon: You see this is my first surgery. If I suceed, it will be for me. Else it will be for you.

We The People

We are –
cool as Vodka
hard as Tequilla
warm as Cognac
exotic as Malibu
mixed as Cocktail
speacial as Champagne.

Cheers we are too good.
Hic Hic Hoc.

Political Love

A young Vajpayee ( ex-prime minister of India ) tries to impress a young Sonia Gandhi ( the congress party leader ), by giving her a lotus.

In return Sonia Gandhi slaps Vajpayee.

Mr Vajpayee asked “why?”

Mrs Gandhi said "you gave me the symbol of your party, I gave you the symbol of my party in return"

Kiss of Silence

Q . Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman on her lips??

Ans. Because that is probably the best and easiest way to keep her quite

God Created Friendship

God is wise so he created friends without price tags else it would be very difficult to buy your friendship.

You see 5 and 10 paisa coins are not easily available anymore

Breath

Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts

- Thich Nhat Hanh

Hang till Death

Police:u will be hanged tomorrow at 5 am

Idiot laughs

Police: why r u laughing?

Idiot: I never wake up before 8 am

Rabbit and Tortoise

Tortoise and rabbit write an entrance exam.
Tortoise got 78% rabbit got 83%.
Min required marks were 85%.
Tortoise got admission.tell me why?
Remember when we were young we heard the story how tortoise won the race?
So sports quota !!

Mobiles

Hey I sent you so many messages, but you never respond so I am deleting your number from my phone book- --

that’s the message that idiot sends to the customer service.

Gods Gift

Sam: when I was young, I prayed to God for a bike.

Bill: then?

Sam: I realized god doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness.

Dreams

Dreams are not what we see when we sleep

Dreams are those that keep us awake though the night till it comes true.

Morning

Do you know the meaning of morning?
Morning is one more inning given to you by god to play and win

Options

I had many options-
1) poison
2) accident
3) hanging
4) jumping off cliff
5) slashing wrist
6) electrocution

But I chose (whatever degree you have)

Pray

I go to the temples and pray.
I go to the mosques and pray.
I go to the churches and pray.

I am afraid I am so holy I may become god.

So to keep me human, I talk to devils like you

Brain

Brain is a great organ.
It keeps working always, day and night, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
It starts at birth and stops only at-EXAMTIME

Gift

When i email you, you dont havE to do the same.
You can send flowers, fruits, drinks,pizzas, choclates etc. cheques and DD's are accepted too

Don

MERRY CHRISTMAS (or any festival not in season)

Confused why I am wishing today?

Cause I am the don, and don wished when he wants to

HAPPY EASTER again

Quiz

In a quiz show-
Quiz master- in which river does the river ganges flow?
Idiot– liquid state
The audience clapped
Quiz master is stunned.
He turns to the audience. It is filled my BIdiot. CIdiot, DIdiot, MIdiot, GIdiot,SIdiot

Radio

Idiot'S radio broke down.
Like most of the modern world mechanics, he opened it with great flourish.
He found a rat dead in it.
Like all modern engineers he came to the immediate conclusion that the radio wont work because “the singer is dead”

Send Wishes

Sun cant come to earth, but sends love as rays

Clouds cant come to river, but send their love as rain

I cant come to you but I send you my wishes with this message

Mixed Emotion

Q: what is d height of mixed emotion??

Ans: your greatest enemy falls from 7th floor an your brand new Mercedes and you don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry.

Missed Call

Idiot gave a missed call to girlfiend.
In evening she asked angrily- why were you so miserly?
Idiot: oa I was missing u so I gave u missed calls. The name says it all

Circus

A lady was kissing a lion inside a cage in circus.
Ring master challenged: can anyone do this?

Idiot: I can do it. But first remove that lion .

Driving Course

Idiot was speeding in a car. A policeman stopped him and asked his reasons.

Idiot: I am learning driving

Policeman:where is the instructor?

Idiot:it’s a correspondence course.

Boots

Idiot goes to school with one white and other black boot.

Teacher : go home and change it.

Idiot: that’s no use. The same pair is left at home too.

Lips

Silent lips avoid many problems.
Smiling lips solve a lot of problems

Life of College

Wallet है,
पैसे नहीं.

Lecture है,
attendance नहीं.

Mobile है,
balance नहीं.

Friends है,
girl/boy friend नहीं.

Exams है,
tension नहीं.

पढ़ना है,
mood नहीं.

No Scars

Some of the best music was created by Beethoven
He was blind

Some of the best poetry about nature was return my Milton
He was blind

One of the greatest leaders is franklin Roosevelt
He served from a wheel chair

That’s why I am not high and mighty
No scars on me

3 Laws of Love

First law of Love: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law of Love: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional and instantaneous to the bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law of Love: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and Opposite to the force applied when she refuses.

Girls

Women are complex creatures…

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often,she thinks it is boring
If you don't , she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't , you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "Oh it's natural, we are girls"

Bath

तेज़ हवा का झोका आया ,
साथ मे तेरी खुश्बू लाया ,
तब दिल मे हमारे ख़याल आया ,
की आज भी अपना दोस्त नहीं नहाया.

Doctors Cartoon

Live and Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.


- M.K.Gandhi

Breathe

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure

- Oprah Winfrey

Leave Me Alone

Don’t walk ahead of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Don’t walk by my side, I may sideswipe you.
JUST GET LOST AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

Aliens

Ijiqejiq.p2le0232d.21./132[e/xl3e’1;3lwejriji e0 j jej iejw4u8u58u j4ju j jmkOknf KFRIJ O OFU(3fi;iewjf wj3u48348 f I#WRHI ejhue ker8y38#$# fr irj 3$5 ojo jojf #OF#O3j o35 jo ufhueufhuehy834922fWEK$@%$$m vkjw


The aliens sent that message to me, the most intelligent person on Earth.

I am forwarding it to another alien for translation.

Best Thing

What’s best about your life?
No, not food.
No, not water.
No, not air.
No, not money.
No, not success.
No, not friends.
No, not family.
No, not happiness.
No, not envy.

It’s a (number of letters in your name) letter name-




(your name)

Friends remember

You may forget me when you are happy.
You may forget me when you laugh.
You may forget me when you feel loved.
You may forget me when you are surrounded by people who care.
But always remember me first when you need a friend.

Believe

Believe where the OTHERS doubt.
Work where the OTHERS refuse.
Persist where the OTHERS Quit.
Dare to be different.
Believe in yourself.

Life

Life is not a rehearsal.

Each day is a new show.

No repeat. No rewind. No retakes.

So give your best shot to all your acts.

As the show goes on forever.

Leopard

Did you know that a leopard can find its way back home even when left at a location more than 400 km away?

Death

Death is not the greatest loss related to life.

The greatest loss is what dies in you when you are alive.

Report

Buying a paper = Rs 1.

Buying a pen = Rs 10

Printing a Report = Rs 100


Joy of not finishing the assignment and standing outside the lecture hall = Priceless

Study Hard

When you are alone,

Lonely in a corner of the world,

When there is noone around you,

When there is noone to speak to you,

When noone hears you,




Remember, its a great time to study.

Funny World, Funny People

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come across in square boxes?
Why doesn't the glue stick to the walls on the inside of the walls of glue bottle?
Why is it called a Building when it has already been built?
If we are here to help the others, what are the others here for?
If you are not suppossed to drink and drive, why do the bars have parking lots?
Why are the shoes sold in the AC showrooms, while the vegetables we eat are sold on footpath?
Why does the pizza get delievered before an ambulance can arrive at the spot?

Diwali

दीप जलाओ, खुशी मनाओ,
आई दिवाली आई!

रात अमावस की तो क्या,
घर-घर हुआ उजाला,
सजे कंगूरे दीपशिखा से,
ज्यों पहने हो माला,
मन मुटाव मत रखना भाई,
आई दिवाली आई!

झिल्मिल्झिल्मिल बिजली की,
रंग बिरंगी लडियां,
नन्हे मुन्ने हाथों मैं वेह,
दिल फरेब फुलझरियां,
दिवाली है पर्व मिलन का,
भारत मिली हिन् निज भाई,
चौराहे, मंदिर, गलियों मैं,
लगे हुए हैं मेले,
नज़र पड़े जिस और दिखे,
भरे खुशी से चेहरे,
चौदह बरस बाद लौटे हैं,
सियलखन रघुराई,
दिवाली के दिन हैं जैसे,
घर मैं हो कोई शादी,
अन्दर बाहर होए सफेदी,
खुश अम्मा, खुश दादी,
गोवर्धन को धरे छंगुरिया,
इन्ही दिनन गोसाईं.

Education

Son to Father- Papa, how much is 5+5?
Father-You dont even know that?
What kind of child are you?
You know nothing.
You are a disgrace to my name.
Useless.
Go get a calculator.
We will find out.

Walk in one's shoes

Before you judge a person , walk a mile in his shoes.

And then,

Who cares?

He's a mile away and the shoes are yours.

Scoop and run.

Comments

Dreams are not what you see when you are asleep.
They are what never let you sleep till they are achieved.

Idiot

Idiot falls in love with a nurse.
He writes a love letter to her.
In it he writes-
I LOVE YOU, SISTER.

Comments

Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.
Don’t ask life-“why me?”
Always say-“try me”.

Comments

Smooth roads never make good drivers
Smooth seas never make good sailors
Clear skies never make good pilots
Problem free life never makes a strong, good and wise person.

Comments

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature

Speaking more you will loose your tranquility

Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning

Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones

Speaking lies you will loose your name

So think before you speak.

Comments

Past is experience .
Present is experiment .
Future is expectation .

So use your experience in your experiment to get to your expectation.

English

Who says English is an easy language?
Or scientific?

Try filling up the following with “yes “ or “no”

1) …….. I don’t have a brain
2) …….. I don’t have any sense
3) …….. I am stupid....

I could go on and on

Gandhiji

आज मन कर रहा है की मैं आपको पकड़ कर,
एक कौने मैं ले जाके,
एक डंडा ले के,
आपकी
ग
गा
गान
गांधी जी की style मैं photo खींचूँ.

Success

Word of encouragement from a friend during failure is worth more than an hour of praise by anyone after success.

Friendship - cheesy

दोस्ती की है, किसी खान मैं खुदाई नही की
वादा किया है, कोई दिल-लगी नही की
हर कोहिनूर से बड़ी है यह दोस्ती ऐ दोस्त
ज़रूरत पड़े तो याद करना,
दोस्ती मैं बेवफाई नही की है

Friendship - cheesy

भूल जाने का होंसला हम मैं न होगा
दूर होके भी तू जुदा न होगा
तुझसे मिलके किसी और से क्या मिले ऐ दोस्त
तेरे जैसा इस ज़िन्दगी मैं दूसरा न होगा

Friendship -cheesy

मिल जाए कोई नया तोह हमे भुला न देना.
कोई रुलाए तो हमे याद कर लेना.
दोस्त है हम तुम्हारे,
खुशी नही तो गम ही बाँट लेना.

Friendship

दोस्ती की है तो निभाएंगे.
हर पल तुमको हसाएंगे.
माना आपको फुर्सत नही है याद करने की
हम ही message कर अपनी याद दिलाएंगे.

Friendship

आपकी दोस्ती की एक नज़र चाहिए.
दिल है बेघर उससे एक घर चाहिए.
बस यूँ ही साथ चलते रहो ऐ दोस्त.
यह दोस्ती बस उमर भर चाहिए

Success

The rules to success-

1. never say everything you know.

2. never say you know everything.

Best Moments of Life

Some of the best moments of life-
1. to laugh till your stomach hurts
2. to wake up ad realize you can sleep for few more minutes
3. to clear that last exam
4. unexpected late night calls lasting for hours
5. to see an old friend and feel that things haven’t changed
6. to hear songs that remind you of someone special
7. to have someone to tell you that you are missed and wanted.
8. to get the result you wanted after the struggle that has lasted for ages

Friend

Friend is someone who-
Feels you in every heartbeat.
Finds you in every thought.
Sees you with closed eyes.
Misses you with no reason.

(Come to think of it, it applies to a sweet heart too )

Friendship

My friendship is not like the rain that pours down and goes away.

Its like the air, mostly silent but always around.

Friendship

Stars are seen and yet they are so far apart.

Good friends may not speak everyday.

Yet remember they are always linked heart to heart.

Friendship

Stars are seen and yet they are so far apart.

Good friends may not speak everyday.

Yet remember they are always linked heart to heart.

Friendship

At anytime in life if you have a doubt about a friendship, take a coin and toss it.

If you get head, I am your friend.If you get tails, you are my friend.

Friendship

At anytime in life if you have a doubt about a friendship, take a coin and toss it.



If you get head, I am your friend.If you get tails, you are my friend.

Friendship - cheesy

It has been scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water.
So I ask you to always carry an umbrella if it’s raining outside.
I don’t want to loose a sweet friend (sugar) like you.

Friend

Qualities in as friend—
1. cute as a crocodile
2. smart as an idiot
3. active as a turtle
4. fit as a hippo
5. mature like a monkey.

No wonder you are my friend

Friendship - cheesy

I have a book
Its pages are devoid of printing
But it has a lot of dry roses and leaves.
Everytime I laughed with you,I placed a rose there
And a leaf for each time you lent me a shoulder to cry

I will treasure them Tomorrow when we may be oceans apart and time may pull us further away
But I know when I see those dead flowers in my heart that I had such a friend
The flowers and leaves may be dead but the memories they stand for will never die

Responsible Friendship

Be slow in choosing a friend, and much slower while loosing them.

Friendship is not an opportunity, it’s a responsibility.

School's God

In A School Canteen

Above the basket of apples was a notice-
Take only one. God is watching.

On the box of choclates, a kid had written-
Take as many as you want. God is watching the apples.

Bill Gates

Always remember Money isn't everything.
But make sure that you have lot of itbefore talking such nonsense.

- Bill Gates

Medical

Which muscle should be used the most during a powercut?
Ans: tibialis posterior…
because it functions as an invertor

Proud To Be A Doctor

Where there are tears, there is your hanky for someone.
Where there is pain, there is your medicine for someone.
Where there is death, there is your gift of life for someone.

Be proud to be a doctor.

Proud To Be A Doctor

Some hands are made for creating.
Some hands are made for meeting.
Some hands are made for healing.
Those last are yours.

Be proud to be a doctor.

Doctors

7 Doctors and 7 Engineers were going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So all of them gathered at Pune Station.
Both groups were desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 doctors take only 1 Ticket and 7 engineers buy all 7 tickets.
7 Engineers are desperately waiting for TC to come.
When TC arrives, all 7 Doctors get in one toilet.
SO when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away.
7 Engineers say "The game is not yet over"
NOW on return Journey none of them get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :Engineers decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally SHAANE(smart)".
All 7 Engineers take 1 Ticket, Doctors don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!

TC arrives.
ALL Engineers IN ONE TOILET.
ALL Doctors IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.
One Doctors gets out and knocks the door of Engineers toilet.
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and goes back to the other toilet.
When the TC comes, they hand over the ticket.
The engineers had no ticket.

Newton

Newton in Romantic Mood...

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money

Drunk

Drunkard knocks on his own door and his wife opens the door.

Drunkard : who r u?

Wife: how dare you u forget your own wife

Drunkard : "nasha" helps forget every sadness.

Friendship

Everything in this world is so fine,
but everything in this world is not mine.

But there is 1 thing pure and divine
– your friendship-
and luckily that’s mine.

Friends (eyes)

Two eyes were the best friends.

They did everything together.

Cried together.

Blinked together.

Woke up together.

Then there came a girl

and they disunited-

only one winked.

Friendship -cheesy

When you count your best friends, you may not count me
When you count your close friends, you may not count me
When you need a friend, just count on me.

Friendship comment 2

Friendship means
to help without HESITATION
to give without EXPECTATION
to love without LIMITATION
and
to remember without COMMUNICATION

Friends-comment

Friendship is the only relationship in life that is as honest as it is corruptible

Jack and Jill

Two specimen of the species homo sapiens sapiens ascended a certain geological protuberance to collect a hybrid of oxygen in a certain type of container in an undefiened quantity.one of the two descended dramatically suggering mechanical damage to the cranial part of his anatomy. The second member followed the first ina similar fashion of rapid but irregular disturbing movements….in short,Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell downand broke his crown. And jill came tumbling after.

Anti Apartheid

When I born, I black
When I grow I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I scared I black
When I sick I black
And when I die I black

And u white fella
When u born u pink
When u grow up u white
When you go in sun u red
When u cold u blue
When u scared u yellow
When u sick u green
And when u die u grey
And u call me colored

Introduction

Hello All!
This blog is meant for good messages and nothing but nice lovely messages.

The messages may be funny, serious, jokes, or just comments in general.

The idea of this blog is nothing but fun.

So enjoy!!!