Missed Call

Idiot gave a missed call to girlfiend.
In evening she asked angrily- why were you so miserly?
Idiot: oa I was missing u so I gave u missed calls. The name says it all

Circus

A lady was kissing a lion inside a cage in circus.
Ring master challenged: can anyone do this?

Idiot: I can do it. But first remove that lion .

Driving Course

Idiot was speeding in a car. A policeman stopped him and asked his reasons.

Idiot: I am learning driving

Policeman:where is the instructor?

Idiot:it’s a correspondence course.

Boots

Idiot goes to school with one white and other black boot.

Teacher : go home and change it.

Idiot: that’s no use. The same pair is left at home too.

Lips

Silent lips avoid many problems.
Smiling lips solve a lot of problems

Life of College

Wallet है,
पैसे नहीं.

Lecture है,
attendance नहीं.

Mobile है,
balance नहीं.

Friends है,
girl/boy friend नहीं.

Exams है,
tension नहीं.

पढ़ना है,
mood नहीं.

No Scars

Some of the best music was created by Beethoven
He was blind

Some of the best poetry about nature was return my Milton
He was blind

One of the greatest leaders is franklin Roosevelt
He served from a wheel chair

That’s why I am not high and mighty
No scars on me

3 Laws of Love

First law of Love: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law of Love: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional and instantaneous to the bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law of Love: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and Opposite to the force applied when she refuses.

Girls

Women are complex creatures…

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often,she thinks it is boring
If you don't , she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't , you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "Oh it's natural, we are girls"

Bath

तेज़ हवा का झोका आया ,
साथ मे तेरी खुश्बू लाया ,
तब दिल मे हमारे ख़याल आया ,
की आज भी अपना दोस्त नहीं नहाया.

Doctors Cartoon

Live and Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.


- M.K.Gandhi

Breathe

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure

- Oprah Winfrey

Leave Me Alone

Don’t walk ahead of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Don’t walk by my side, I may sideswipe you.
JUST GET LOST AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

Aliens

Ijiqejiq.p2le0232d.21./132[e/xl3e’1;3lwejriji e0 j jej iejw4u8u58u j4ju j jmkOknf KFRIJ O OFU(3fi;iewjf wj3u48348 f I#WRHI ejhue ker8y38#$# fr irj 3$5 ojo jojf #OF#O3j o35 jo ufhueufhuehy834922fWEK$@%$$m vkjw


The aliens sent that message to me, the most intelligent person on Earth.

I am forwarding it to another alien for translation.

Best Thing

What’s best about your life?
No, not food.
No, not water.
No, not air.
No, not money.
No, not success.
No, not friends.
No, not family.
No, not happiness.
No, not envy.

It’s a (number of letters in your name) letter name-




(your name)

Friends remember

You may forget me when you are happy.
You may forget me when you laugh.
You may forget me when you feel loved.
You may forget me when you are surrounded by people who care.
But always remember me first when you need a friend.

Believe

Believe where the OTHERS doubt.
Work where the OTHERS refuse.
Persist where the OTHERS Quit.
Dare to be different.
Believe in yourself.

Life

Life is not a rehearsal.

Each day is a new show.

No repeat. No rewind. No retakes.

So give your best shot to all your acts.

As the show goes on forever.

Leopard

Did you know that a leopard can find its way back home even when left at a location more than 400 km away?

Death

Death is not the greatest loss related to life.

The greatest loss is what dies in you when you are alive.

Report

Buying a paper = Rs 1.

Buying a pen = Rs 10

Printing a Report = Rs 100


Joy of not finishing the assignment and standing outside the lecture hall = Priceless

Study Hard

When you are alone,

Lonely in a corner of the world,

When there is noone around you,

When there is noone to speak to you,

When noone hears you,




Remember, its a great time to study.

Funny World, Funny People

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come across in square boxes?
Why doesn't the glue stick to the walls on the inside of the walls of glue bottle?
Why is it called a Building when it has already been built?
If we are here to help the others, what are the others here for?
If you are not suppossed to drink and drive, why do the bars have parking lots?
Why are the shoes sold in the AC showrooms, while the vegetables we eat are sold on footpath?
Why does the pizza get delievered before an ambulance can arrive at the spot?

Diwali

दीप जलाओ, खुशी मनाओ,
आई दिवाली आई!

रात अमावस की तो क्या,
घर-घर हुआ उजाला,
सजे कंगूरे दीपशिखा से,
ज्यों पहने हो माला,
मन मुटाव मत रखना भाई,
आई दिवाली आई!

झिल्मिल्झिल्मिल बिजली की,
रंग बिरंगी लडियां,
नन्हे मुन्ने हाथों मैं वेह,
दिल फरेब फुलझरियां,
दिवाली है पर्व मिलन का,
भारत मिली हिन् निज भाई,
चौराहे, मंदिर, गलियों मैं,
लगे हुए हैं मेले,
नज़र पड़े जिस और दिखे,
भरे खुशी से चेहरे,
चौदह बरस बाद लौटे हैं,
सियलखन रघुराई,
दिवाली के दिन हैं जैसे,
घर मैं हो कोई शादी,
अन्दर बाहर होए सफेदी,
खुश अम्मा, खुश दादी,
गोवर्धन को धरे छंगुरिया,
इन्ही दिनन गोसाईं.

Education

Son to Father- Papa, how much is 5+5?
Father-You dont even know that?
What kind of child are you?
You know nothing.
You are a disgrace to my name.
Useless.
Go get a calculator.
We will find out.

Walk in one's shoes

Before you judge a person , walk a mile in his shoes.

And then,

Who cares?

He's a mile away and the shoes are yours.

Scoop and run.

Comments

Dreams are not what you see when you are asleep.
They are what never let you sleep till they are achieved.

Idiot

Idiot falls in love with a nurse.
He writes a love letter to her.
In it he writes-
I LOVE YOU, SISTER.

Comments

Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.
Don’t ask life-“why me?”
Always say-“try me”.

Comments

Smooth roads never make good drivers
Smooth seas never make good sailors
Clear skies never make good pilots
Problem free life never makes a strong, good and wise person.

Comments

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature

Speaking more you will loose your tranquility

Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning

Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones

Speaking lies you will loose your name

So think before you speak.

Comments

Past is experience .
Present is experiment .
Future is expectation .

So use your experience in your experiment to get to your expectation.

English

Who says English is an easy language?
Or scientific?

Try filling up the following with “yes “ or “no”

1) …….. I don’t have a brain
2) …….. I don’t have any sense
3) …….. I am stupid....

I could go on and on

Gandhiji

आज मन कर रहा है की मैं आपको पकड़ कर,
एक कौने मैं ले जाके,
एक डंडा ले के,
आपकी
ग
गा
गान
गांधी जी की style मैं photo खींचूँ.

Success

Word of encouragement from a friend during failure is worth more than an hour of praise by anyone after success.

Friendship - cheesy

दोस्ती की है, किसी खान मैं खुदाई नही की
वादा किया है, कोई दिल-लगी नही की
हर कोहिनूर से बड़ी है यह दोस्ती ऐ दोस्त
ज़रूरत पड़े तो याद करना,
दोस्ती मैं बेवफाई नही की है

Friendship - cheesy

भूल जाने का होंसला हम मैं न होगा
दूर होके भी तू जुदा न होगा
तुझसे मिलके किसी और से क्या मिले ऐ दोस्त
तेरे जैसा इस ज़िन्दगी मैं दूसरा न होगा

Friendship -cheesy

मिल जाए कोई नया तोह हमे भुला न देना.
कोई रुलाए तो हमे याद कर लेना.
दोस्त है हम तुम्हारे,
खुशी नही तो गम ही बाँट लेना.

Friendship

दोस्ती की है तो निभाएंगे.
हर पल तुमको हसाएंगे.
माना आपको फुर्सत नही है याद करने की
हम ही message कर अपनी याद दिलाएंगे.

Friendship

आपकी दोस्ती की एक नज़र चाहिए.
दिल है बेघर उससे एक घर चाहिए.
बस यूँ ही साथ चलते रहो ऐ दोस्त.
यह दोस्ती बस उमर भर चाहिए

Success

The rules to success-

1. never say everything you know.

2. never say you know everything.

Best Moments of Life

Some of the best moments of life-
1. to laugh till your stomach hurts
2. to wake up ad realize you can sleep for few more minutes
3. to clear that last exam
4. unexpected late night calls lasting for hours
5. to see an old friend and feel that things haven’t changed
6. to hear songs that remind you of someone special
7. to have someone to tell you that you are missed and wanted.
8. to get the result you wanted after the struggle that has lasted for ages

Friend

Friend is someone who-
Feels you in every heartbeat.
Finds you in every thought.
Sees you with closed eyes.
Misses you with no reason.

(Come to think of it, it applies to a sweet heart too )

Friendship

My friendship is not like the rain that pours down and goes away.

Its like the air, mostly silent but always around.

Friendship

Stars are seen and yet they are so far apart.

Good friends may not speak everyday.

Yet remember they are always linked heart to heart.

Friendship

Stars are seen and yet they are so far apart.

Good friends may not speak everyday.

Yet remember they are always linked heart to heart.

Friendship

At anytime in life if you have a doubt about a friendship, take a coin and toss it.

If you get head, I am your friend.If you get tails, you are my friend.

Friendship

At anytime in life if you have a doubt about a friendship, take a coin and toss it.



If you get head, I am your friend.If you get tails, you are my friend.

Friendship - cheesy

It has been scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water.
So I ask you to always carry an umbrella if it’s raining outside.
I don’t want to loose a sweet friend (sugar) like you.

Friend

Qualities in as friend—
1. cute as a crocodile
2. smart as an idiot
3. active as a turtle
4. fit as a hippo
5. mature like a monkey.

No wonder you are my friend

Friendship - cheesy

I have a book
Its pages are devoid of printing
But it has a lot of dry roses and leaves.
Everytime I laughed with you,I placed a rose there
And a leaf for each time you lent me a shoulder to cry

I will treasure them Tomorrow when we may be oceans apart and time may pull us further away
But I know when I see those dead flowers in my heart that I had such a friend
The flowers and leaves may be dead but the memories they stand for will never die

Responsible Friendship

Be slow in choosing a friend, and much slower while loosing them.

Friendship is not an opportunity, it’s a responsibility.

School's God

In A School Canteen

Above the basket of apples was a notice-
Take only one. God is watching.

On the box of choclates, a kid had written-
Take as many as you want. God is watching the apples.

Bill Gates

Always remember Money isn't everything.
But make sure that you have lot of itbefore talking such nonsense.

- Bill Gates

Medical

Which muscle should be used the most during a powercut?
Ans: tibialis posterior…
because it functions as an invertor

Proud To Be A Doctor

Where there are tears, there is your hanky for someone.
Where there is pain, there is your medicine for someone.
Where there is death, there is your gift of life for someone.

Be proud to be a doctor.

Proud To Be A Doctor

Some hands are made for creating.
Some hands are made for meeting.
Some hands are made for healing.
Those last are yours.

Be proud to be a doctor.

Doctors

7 Doctors and 7 Engineers were going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So all of them gathered at Pune Station.
Both groups were desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
7 doctors take only 1 Ticket and 7 engineers buy all 7 tickets.
7 Engineers are desperately waiting for TC to come.
When TC arrives, all 7 Doctors get in one toilet.
SO when TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC goes away.
7 Engineers say "The game is not yet over"
NOW on return Journey none of them get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, as from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE.

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :Engineers decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equally SHAANE(smart)".
All 7 Engineers take 1 Ticket, Doctors don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!

TC arrives.
ALL Engineers IN ONE TOILET.
ALL Doctors IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.
One Doctors gets out and knocks the door of Engineers toilet.
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and goes back to the other toilet.
When the TC comes, they hand over the ticket.
The engineers had no ticket.

Newton

Newton in Romantic Mood...

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money