Some formulas for employee’s success

Some formulas for employee’s success-
१. बने रहो पगला, काम करेगा अगला
२. बने रहो लुल्ल, तनखा पो फुल
३. मत लो टेंशन काम का, नही तो फॅमिली पायेगी पेंशन
४. कम से दरो नही और काम को करो नही
५. काम करो या न करो काम की फिकर ज़रूर करो, और फिकर करो ना करो, पर जीकर ज़रूर करो

Fail

Idiot to son- तेरे रिजल्ट डा की बनया

Son- मैडम कहंदे इस class-विच १ साल होर लग्न है

Idiot– फेर ठीक है.साल भावे २-३ होर लग जान, fail नही होना.

20

A mother takes 20 years to make her son intelligent.
A girl takes 20 minutes to make him foolish.

Love letter

Girl- write such a letter my love that I read it to the end of my life

Boy- @oi9eeskv)(&*%$$%JHJs9828728&^##@@!)_I@U*jjfu09813I()@(@@DJ(!*’:/k..ll,/9*(*#!&Yfhuh920909JDII(@382390(@_~+)_)@)@(“>>::>;…>>>;’;lpo30(*76353!_+@_)(>::>;…>>>;’;lpo30(*76353!_+@_)(_=1093839*@)!(@&#!)_\~~0139923090924JIJ!#82)@-023">_=1093839*@)!(@&#!)_\~~0139923090924JIJ!#82)@-023-=

Read that.

Scare

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Nothing.I just wanted to scare You .

Speaking

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature
Speaking more you will loose your tranquility
Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning
Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones
Speaking lies you will loose your name

Speaking

Speaking in anger, you will loose your nature
Speaking more you will loose your tranquility
Speaking in haste you will loose your meaning
Speaking with ego, you will loose your loved ones
Speaking lies you will loose your name

So don’t you get it?
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, STOP SPEAKING

Blessings

Enter the password to touch my heart

* ** *** **** ***** ******

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SORRY YOU HAVE ENTERED THE PASSWORD TO TOUCH MY फीट. MY BLESSINGS WITH यू.

Courtship

लड़की पटाने का सबसे अच्हा तरीका.
चुपके से उसके पीछे जाओ और उसे डराओ.
अगर वो हंसी तो फँसी.
नहीं तो जोर से चिलाओ-दीदी दर गई , दीदी दर गई.

करो और मुझे बताओ.

Marry Me

(Your Name) here.I am getting married.I really am.It was decided suddenly.You are invited.Sunday 19.00 hours.No gifts.Just….Get someone to marry me.

Friend

In this cruel cruel era, its impossible to find a friend with
beautiful smile,
pure soul,
attractive mind,
great humor,
stylish looks……………

So don’t loose me.

Women’s Lies

Women’s lies-
1. It wont happen again
2. I am single
3. He was just a friend
4. I am so sorry
5. I love you
6. I don’t want to loose you
7. I am telling the truth

Eyes

Two eyes were the best friends.
They did everything together.
Cried together.
Blinked together.
Woke up together.

Then there came a girl and they disunited
- only one winked.

Soldiers

2 Indian soldiers capture Pakistani soldier.

They gave him a dice and said that if you throw 1 2 3 4 5 , we will kill you.

The doomed man asks – what if I throw 6?

They say- Haven’t u ever played dice. You get another turn

ICICI

1 day idiot had a dream that someone had killed him.
Next day he closed his icici bank account due to the icici bank motto

WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE

False Poem

An unbelievably false poem—

One fine morning, in the middle of the night

Two dead boys woke up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Took out their swords and shot each other

One deaf policeman heard the noise

And killed the two dead boys

Believe this lie, its true

Ask the blind beggar who saw it too

Finance Poem

Boy at a hostel, after his money was over, in a telegram to his father-No money no fun your son

Father’s reply-So sad, too bad, your dad.

Moral of the Movie

What’s the moral of the movies- “titanic” and “rang de basanti”?

ThinkThink logically.

Don’t let girls affect your mind, logic and decisions. They are the ones left out in the end. All others die.

Marriage Vows

Why do couples hold hands before their wedding?

It’s a formality like two boxers shaking hands before a fight.

Sleeping disease-

Sleeping disease-
Etiology agent-teacher
Host-student
Reason-frequent classroom exposure
Symptoms- shortening of handwriting, loss of consciousness, frequent falling on table, automatic closure of eyes
Signs-kicks and shakes by neighbors, chalks hitting head, sudden silence
Pathogenic lesion-red eyes
Diagnosed by- neighbor or teacher
Treatment-not yet invented.
Symptomatic relief by slipping out of side door
Prevention-bunk class and enjoy life.

Marriage Experience

Young husband : before marriage I spoke and she listened. Now she speaks and I listen.

Older husband : don’t worry. Very soon you will both speak and the neighbors will listen.

New Surgeon

Patient: Why the garland?

Surgeon: You see this is my first surgery. If I suceed, it will be for me. Else it will be for you.

We The People

We are –
cool as Vodka
hard as Tequilla
warm as Cognac
exotic as Malibu
mixed as Cocktail
speacial as Champagne.

Cheers we are too good.
Hic Hic Hoc.

Political Love

A young Vajpayee ( ex-prime minister of India ) tries to impress a young Sonia Gandhi ( the congress party leader ), by giving her a lotus.

In return Sonia Gandhi slaps Vajpayee.

Mr Vajpayee asked “why?”

Mrs Gandhi said "you gave me the symbol of your party, I gave you the symbol of my party in return"

Kiss of Silence

Q . Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman on her lips??

Ans. Because that is probably the best and easiest way to keep her quite

God Created Friendship

God is wise so he created friends without price tags else it would be very difficult to buy your friendship.

You see 5 and 10 paisa coins are not easily available anymore

Breath

Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts

- Thich Nhat Hanh

Hang till Death

Police:u will be hanged tomorrow at 5 am

Idiot laughs

Police: why r u laughing?

Idiot: I never wake up before 8 am

Rabbit and Tortoise

Tortoise and rabbit write an entrance exam.
Tortoise got 78% rabbit got 83%.
Min required marks were 85%.
Tortoise got admission.tell me why?
Remember when we were young we heard the story how tortoise won the race?
So sports quota !!

Mobiles

Hey I sent you so many messages, but you never respond so I am deleting your number from my phone book- --

that’s the message that idiot sends to the customer service.

Gods Gift

Sam: when I was young, I prayed to God for a bike.

Bill: then?

Sam: I realized god doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness.

Dreams

Dreams are not what we see when we sleep

Dreams are those that keep us awake though the night till it comes true.

Morning

Do you know the meaning of morning?
Morning is one more inning given to you by god to play and win

Options

I had many options-
1) poison
2) accident
3) hanging
4) jumping off cliff
5) slashing wrist
6) electrocution

But I chose (whatever degree you have)

Pray

I go to the temples and pray.
I go to the mosques and pray.
I go to the churches and pray.

I am afraid I am so holy I may become god.

So to keep me human, I talk to devils like you

Brain

Brain is a great organ.
It keeps working always, day and night, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
It starts at birth and stops only at-EXAMTIME

Gift

When i email you, you dont havE to do the same.
You can send flowers, fruits, drinks,pizzas, choclates etc. cheques and DD's are accepted too

Don

MERRY CHRISTMAS (or any festival not in season)

Confused why I am wishing today?

Cause I am the don, and don wished when he wants to

HAPPY EASTER again

Quiz

In a quiz show-
Quiz master- in which river does the river ganges flow?
Idiot– liquid state
The audience clapped
Quiz master is stunned.
He turns to the audience. It is filled my BIdiot. CIdiot, DIdiot, MIdiot, GIdiot,SIdiot

Radio

Idiot'S radio broke down.
Like most of the modern world mechanics, he opened it with great flourish.
He found a rat dead in it.
Like all modern engineers he came to the immediate conclusion that the radio wont work because “the singer is dead”

Send Wishes

Sun cant come to earth, but sends love as rays

Clouds cant come to river, but send their love as rain

I cant come to you but I send you my wishes with this message

Mixed Emotion

Q: what is d height of mixed emotion??

Ans: your greatest enemy falls from 7th floor an your brand new Mercedes and you don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry.